The Return

Today is the first day that I have been back to work since last Monday…. For I managed to contract the lovely swine flu virus from Bear’s boyfriend the weekend before. Oh yes, I have been infected… and quarantined… and released back into the world… although I can tell you that my colleagues today have frozen in their skins every time I’ve sneezed or coughed… quite comical to watch them twitch as I walk past….

I can tell you now I don’t know what the big hoo ha is about this swine flu. For me, no different to a bit of the good old common-as-you-like flu virus. What was the killer was the bloody Tamiflu tablets! Made me sick as a parrot when I first started taking them and then, I think, just to leave their impression, again on Saturday while trying to navigate the aisles of Sainsbury’s. I didn’t know whether I was going to reach the conveyor belt before throwing up on the chickpeas and dried lentils… but I made it by the skin of my teeth.

So yes, back to work after having four extra days off. I honestly thought that that was going to be the major perk of the swine fluiness… but I didn’t realise just how boring my house is. After two days of sitting in with no one to entertain me, and the usual plethora of utter crap to indulge in on the tellybox, I couldn’t bear to be in my house anymore! Sad, but true, after two days of minimum human contact (one of my less intelligent friends actually put the phone down upon the hearing the revelation that I was ill) I actually missed my workplace.

Now let me tell you about my workplace. I won’t reveal where I work, or what company, and I’m probably not going to mention much about the industry either, as you never know who may read this and one day I may be really giving it a crack on with slagging off the boss… and then the next thing you know I’m homeless and begging for change for the internet café… I work for a rather large company that is familiar to people mainly in London but with branches across England. I work for a particular division of the company, and I am based in the company head office. Still vague? Good.

The office team is made up of 4 secretaries (including myself), 2 typists, 5 permanent ‘head honchos’ shall we call them, and then a couple of consultant ‘head honchos’. Then we have the big boss lady. That’s about it. Now us ladies get on well, and we generally wipe the arses of the ‘head honchos’ as they are all men, and that basically sums up my workplace. And this is what I got to missing…. Bad times.

So now I’m back… I’d really quite like to be sitting on my sofa watching some sort of Jeremy Kyle Sally Jesse rubbish… but isn’t that always the way?